Hi everyone (who somehow still come to this page). I know I kind of abandoned this blog lately. I planned to post on my wedding anniversary, and when I failed, I planned to post on my birthday, but then it went by without a post either. Somehow it’s really difficult for me to find the will to write more than 1 paragraph, even when I have so many ideas about what to write inside my head. I know that perhaps every reader of this blog have left so long ago. But I still want to hang on to this page, because I remember how helpful writing was for me in some difficult times personally.
So, I had my 30th birthday 2 months ago. I reached the 3 – 0. I’m no longer in my twenties. I don’t know what really change actually. Maybe more like losing my will to explore new things, and my apathy about drama (real life, not k-drama) kind of hit me hard lately. I found out that my new workplace tends to have a lot of unnecessary drama that I kind of lose my own inner drama, that usually helps with my artistic side. I stuck myself watching so many TV shows, movies and K-Dramas, that it kinda turned my creative button off, because I became a passive receiver of entertainment, rather than creating new things. Yes I did have some experiments with drawing (maybe I’ll post about it later, but I already posted the drawing in my IG), but it only lasted for about 2 drawings, and I’m stuck. But I don’t want to complain too much about my new environment, because I try (my best) to be responsible about my own life choices, including my decision to move here. Maybe I just need to find my own motivation to do more things outside of work to make myself feel better, and stop hoping that someone else will do something about it. But I guess I’m just not there yet.
I also had my first wedding anniversary about 4 months ago. It just went by like any other day, because neither of us feel comfortable in romantic setting. Maybe because we’ve been friends for forever before, everytime anyone of us tried to say or do something romantic, the other one will just LOL, and the moment will just pass. Our kind of sweet moments come from some mundane and menial things, like when he cleans the whole house when he came home before me because he knows that I prefer cooking than cleaning. Or when he tried to write a letter for my birthday (which resulted in an awkward but very cute short letter) because he had no idea what kind of gift to give me. There are so many moments that maybe for other couple isn’t so special, but for us it’s our sweetness cup of tea.
Our first few months was filled with annoyance and adaptation (which more often than not resulted in a conflict) like I’m sure so many other couples who just start living together do. But now we learned to just roll our eyes or huff when we starts to annoy each other because we figure out that not everything worth yelling for. One other thing I learn is never hope or ask for a man (or anyone really) to guess or read what’s on your mind. Just say what you need to say, even when your pride gets in the way. And it turned out great for us. We (him especially) learned to not let a conflict went on too long, and will start apologizing no matter who started it. We always make an effort to appreciate and say thank you for every good deed we do for each other. I won’t give any tips or trick on marriage because we’re like the ultimate newbie in marriage world. I won’t pretend that we’ve figure everything out, because honestly, we haven’t. We still have so many things in store for us to learn. But one thing for sure, it gets better. (There are many times when I got annoyed because someone who just got married for a year or two tried to be the wisest adviser about marriage in social media, by posting like a know it all caption. Sorry, my inner cynical, dark and twisty self still comes out once in a while, especially triggered by social media posts. Haha.)
I once heard someone said, that a good marriage can happen between two adults, or two kids. And I think both of us are kids at heart. We found our own way to find the fun in many things. Something that perhaps hard to believe for people who knows my husband, because he’s like the ultimate introvert and always seems very cold on the outside. But somehow, he becomes a very different person around me. On the contrary, every people who knows me will say that I am a kid almost all of the time. So no surprise there.
Anyway, I think it’s a decent (in terms of length) post, considering how long I’ve been dormant. So I’ll finish this here for now. See you on my next post. Don’t know when though. *shrug*